I have not sent out a mail chimp since July of last year. Many things have happened since that time. I am still into acting. I always will be. I have a Theater Degree and a Masters in PERFORMING ARTS Management. I am discovering that we live in a world now where people think they have the right to tell others how to live and what to be. As a person who wants to work in the arts and entertainment it is not EGO for me to send out email to market myself. Tons of people do it as part of the JOB and it takes a great deal of pre-work to earn a pay check. I am working to let the world know I exist because for me to get hired to do what i love, it is part of the process. We have a Constitution and it says I have the right to speech, that includes the written word.
I sent out post cards to try to get an agent. I received one request to have a tape audition so far. HOWEVER, they sent me a strange file that seems to have corrupted my phone and when I told them I could not open the zipped file monologues they sent me, they sent me a response with one of the monologues telling me that since I lost a day due to the computer issues I would only be able to do one. They did not consider asking me if I could, but assumed I was incapable. IRONY one of the lines in the monologue they sent was “Remembering that first impressions are not always correct.” I belong to a place in Hollywood that allows for self taping. I could have taped my audition at 3 pm the day it was due and sent it to the agency by 8 pm that night, they day after they sent me the fixed monologue. I had 24 hours to memorize 2 monologues, seriously if an actor can not memorize 2 short monologues in 24 hours no agency should hire them. I need about 3 days to schedule an appointment but I can self tape auditions. I highly recommend Hollywood Casting and Film and also CATZ in Hollywood. Both are also good places to look for auditions. I get about 3-4 auditions at Hollywood a month. I self taped the monologue on my own. https://youtu.be/t2ALxNVRXL0
I am sorry but with my skill sets and my training and my expertise being in ENTERTAINMENT and the ARTS I am where I belong. I have been repeatedly attacked on line and I know I am not the only person. This misinterpretation of the first amendment that allows for people to think they have the right to hide who they are and spread HATE needs to stop. As an ACTOR, and that is what I am, my artistic and professional need is to have feelings and express them. Oscar Wilde said it best:
“From the point of view of feeling, the actor’s craft is the type.”
My UNION is still subjecting me to abuse and I do not trust them. I sent their New Media department an email about a project that someone I knew wanted me to do for an education app he was creating. They wanted me to call the COMMERCIAL Department. Well I have decided that from now I am not calling the UNION unless I can record my half the call. I legally cannot them, but I can record what I say so they cannot distort the facts and make it look like I am abusive in any way toward them.
I asked to attend the SAG VIEWING PARTY . The union legal department sent me a letter telling me that I cannot attend or enter the building, which means I cannot use ACTORS FUND, or the SAG FOUNDATION. Legally they have told me I am a member of the UNION. I can work UNION. I AM NOT FICORE AND I VOTED IN THE SAG AWARDS. In fact I voted for SPOTLIGHT. The film made me cry. THIS IS WRONG. This is abuse. I do not know even who does not want me there. GRANTED I am not fond of Ned Vaughn. I was asked out by DAVID H LAWRENCE. He bothers me because I do not want him. I like tall pasty white boys who are into the arts and like acting. Guys who look like basketball/ yogi types. I am vegan. And I HAVE NEVER CHEATED WITH A GUY IN MY LIFE INTENTIONALLY. In other words the guy would have to lie to date me if he was taken. I am into the acting to be a professional at it. EVERY YEAR I get invited to JUDY KAIN’s Christmas party. Yet the UNION acts like I am offensive, and my very presence will make people sick because I am so old and ugly, at least that is what my twitter stalker keeps saying. It is affecting my ability to cope and my ability to want to succeed. I want nothing to do with film if I can not be an actor. I want nothing to do with men and dating if I can not be an actor. I would hate any man who would want to date me, force me to have sex with him to make me his wife or girlfriend and make me give up my self esteem and my sense of achievement. I have been put in a position that no matter how much MONEY I make or how much success I have I will feel VIOLATED and unsuccessful.
They are denying me access to the ACTORS FUND and SAG FOUNDATION both of which are in the SAG AFTRA BUILDLING. This is the SAG FOUNDATION. They provide one free casting workshop every 90 days. Most casting workshops in Hollywood cost anywhere from $35- 75 a year. So most SAG members who pay their dues get the value of getting to network with up to 4-8 casting agents a year FREE. I DO NOT. Look at the PHOTOS. Do I look uglier than the members working in those casting workshops. http://sagaftra.foundation/performers-programs/casting-access/
This is the ACTORS FUND. They are looking for VOLUNTEERS to do data entry. I used to make a living in Graduate school doing nothing but typing entries. AT A CERTAIN point you want to grow and that is why I got a MASTERS IN PERFORMING ARTS. MY PARENTS ARE LIARS and they were not financially in charge of my life. THE ONLY WAY I WOULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP with them or anyone they know is if I was financially dependent. I want to be back on track to be working on sets, not in an office, and I want NOTHING TO DO WITH MY THE GOVERNMENT, LAW, OR THE LEGAL COMMUNITY AS EMPLOYMENT. PERIOD. I will not go to church on SUNDAY. I HAD A LIFE but with people who did not go to church and respected the arts. I CAN NOT BE FRIENDS WITH PEOPLE WHO DO NOT BELIEVE IN ME AS AN ACTOR AND WANT TO SEE ME HAPPY. without acting, I hate the fact I CHOSE TO LIVE.
I did not attack LUKE MABLY and in fact I knew a crew person who told me he was in a relationship. In other words while his fan was on my face book page, i was focused on promoting my film “CHEMICAL 13” and also “A.B.S” which happens to be a vampire film. In fact when I marketed the films on Face book I targeted fans of VAMPIRE projects like the GATES and fans of the show.
I think that there is someone with the UNION who is completely psychotic as I have been the one attacked. I was sexually assaulted. I was tripped on a set. I have emails saying I attack actors. MY verbally telling someone I think they are a jerk is not an attack. It is my opinion of the person and they should be adult enough to explain their actions to me, not accuse me of being a person who should not be allowed in the SAG AFTRA building simply because they know I think their actions toward me were wrong.
This has also affected relationships with people at my School. First one girl was nice to me in a film class, then she was not and her friend acted like she was there to protect her. The girl in question was GAY. I am not a scientologist. Scientologist are rumored to want to make gay people straight. I am not going to go GAY and want people to accept that my desire to stay single has to do with stress and health and me not being interested in your typical American jock. As it turns out the girl works for DISNEY. I did not say anything to her, she just suddenly started acting like I was her enemy. i do not hate these girls, and on a positive note I got an A in the class and a B in the film lab. ALL OF MY EDUCATION IS IN THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY. I have no interested in being a criminal lawyer, or working in politics or government. I studied entertainment law and communications law. I NEVER had the drive to be in a court room period. You cannot make someone have PASSION For things they just do not have passion for. And law was never my true passion.
My phone was also tampered with. Not only did it stop functioning but it could not be reset. I had to get a new phone, while I could not use my twitter because it was set to only be accessible by phone, I was once again attacked on line. THEREFORE, just in case someone thought I was somehow attacking myself, not true.
I think the entire situation is INSANE. I should be allowed to go to classes at AFI that are $35 a year, not be subjected to abuse because my old teacher who is a conservative Texan teaches there. I HAVE NEVER BEEN A REPBULICAN. I auditioned for a school at the ACTORS STUDIO and was accepted but they charge $50 a class. I HAVE STUDENT DEBT. And no incentive to want to strive to pay that off now, because I worked hard for my SAG AFTRA card and am being denied those rights and slandered without a trial. NO DUE PROCESS and frankly I would tell any employer in the legal profession that if I get an audition my audition comes first and if they do not let me pursue acting as well as work for them I will hate them and their clients. I did not know going to law school meant that I would lost my rights under the CONSITUTION and that I would not have the right to say- NO. THIS IS MAKING ME miserable and I want to be back on sets and working and doing a job I enjoy and have fun doing. I am not trained to work in traditional LAW. I know more about the entertainment industry and working on sets and the ACTING profession than I do the legal system. I am not interested in trying to fight to be successful as a lawyer.
I did not know that SAG AFTRA and its leadership would be allowed to ostracize me from its members and try to force me to do what my father wants with my life. I AM NOT A LITTLE GIRL and I am sick of being in a position where MEN CAN ABUSE ME. Where I can be abused on line. I will not go away. I will not disappear.